I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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