nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
