we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
