Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
