My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
