when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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