I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
