rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
