Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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