yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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