I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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