who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
