Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
