Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were destined to go to rehab together
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
