I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
