If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
