she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
