I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
