There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
