why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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