Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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