Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
