Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
