I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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