dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
