hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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