did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
