You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So drunk its hurt
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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