There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
