Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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