who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
