I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
