brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
