Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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