I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
