I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
