Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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