I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
