Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
