I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
