I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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