I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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