It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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