I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
