My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drake has all the answers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
