He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
