Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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