well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
