The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
