we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
