So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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