You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
