Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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