Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
