In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
