Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
