Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
