she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
