Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
