Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
