His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
