I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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