i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The feeling are messing with the penis
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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