i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sext me about skeletons
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
