but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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