shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
