6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize