He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
