NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
