you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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