I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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