Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
