Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
