Your mouth is God's brothel.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
