the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
