I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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