didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
