I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
