I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
