the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
