I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm passing your future prison.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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