worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
