just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.†I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
