Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
