why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
