I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
